This checklist is here to help you plan your exit safely, clearly, and with as much control as possible. Not everything will apply to your situation — take what’s useful, adapt what you need, and move at your own pace.
Phase 1: Prepare Yourself & Build the Plan
- ☐ Build your trusted circle
Identify 2–4 people who are reliable, safe, and discreet. Let them know you’re planning to leave and may need help — storing things, housing, or emotional support. - ☐ Open your own bank account
Choose a bank your partner doesn’t use. Some banks offer DV-sensitive processes with flexible ID requirements. Don’t log in on shared devices. - ☐ Slowly build a cash reserve
Withdraw small amounts over time. Hide it in multiple safe places (books, coat pockets, toiletry bags) or ask a support person to store it. - ☐ Set up a secure email and phone plan
Create a new email address not linked to your devices. Consider buying a pre-paid phone (paid in cash), and keep it hidden — powered off until needed. - ☐ Review your digital safety
• Change passwords on personal accounts
• Turn off location sharing (including photo metadata and app permissions)
• Use incognito/private mode for searches
• Clear browser history or use public/library computers if needed - ☐ Secure key documents and essentials
Store originals or copies (digitally and physically) of:
• IDs (yours and your kids’)
• Medicare cards, prescriptions
• Financial statements
• Court/parenting documents
• Keys, cash, phone, charger
• School/medical information - ☐ Consider a safety deposit box or safe hiding place
Use it to store cash, spare keys, medications, devices, passwords, and essentials. Keep it out of the home if possible. - ☐ Log incidents quietly
Keep a written or digital log of abuse. Use our [Incident Log Template] for consistency. Save screenshots, threatening texts, voicemails. Use Dropbox/Google Drive with a private account. - ☐ Prepare notes to institutions
Draft short messages for your child’s school, GP, therapist, or daycare — so you’re not scrambling post-exit. See our [Notes to Institutions Templates]. - ☐ Talk to your GP (if safe)
Request a 10-day “cushion” of medications. Ask for printouts of your medical history. Inform them discreetly that you’re preparing to leave.
Phase 2: Enact and Navigate the Exit
- ☐ Choose the safest exit moment
Plan around your partner’s routine. Exit when they are away, calm, or distracted. Have someone on standby if needed. - ☐ Pack your bag quietly
Use our [What to Pack] list. Include essentials for yourself and your children. Store with a trusted friend or in your car if safe. - ☐ Communicate your exit clearly (if necessary)
Use a brief, firm message. Don’t explain or argue. You do not owe them closure or permission. - ☐ Check for vehicle trackers
Ask a mechanic to sweep your car for GPS trackers. If one is found, don’t remove it until you leave — but learn how to disable it. - ☐ Inform Police (if applicable)
After you’re out, report your exit and provide your ex’s name, car description, and any known threats. This helps with safety and future protection orders.
Phase 3: Stabilise Post-Separation
- ☐ Formalise finances and access
Work with a lawyer or DV support organisation to regain access to joint funds or transfer money safely. - ☐ Establish formal parenting agreements
Avoid vague or informal deals. Use our [Parenting Agreement Template] to protect time, access, and legal rights. - ☐ Switch to co-parenting tools
Use an app like AppClose to keep messages timestamped and professional. Avoid verbal communication. - ☐ Maintain boundaries with ex
Use BIFF responses (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm). Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). Keep it child-focused. - ☐ Prioritise your kids’ emotional stability
Keep routines consistent. Use safe, age-appropriate language. You don’t need to explain everything — just that they’re safe, and you’re still there. - ☐ Secure devices and information
Disable tracking on your old phone. Backup and remove data. Keep a password and app list stored securely for reinstalling later.