Stage 1: Survive
Surviving family violence is about protecting yourself and navigating a situation where escape may feel difficult or impossible.
Even if leaving isn't an option yet, the primary goal for anyone who has experienced family violence is to equip yourself with practical tools that can blunt your triggers and enable you to regain some control over the situation.
In Stage 2: Survive we’ll provide strategies to help you manage interactions with the abuser, preserve your self-worth, plan your exit, and engage with professionals when you need external support.
While leaving should always be the goal, these tools are designed for those who may need time or assistance before they can do so.
“I was heart broken, scared, I had a lot of anxiety, I was worried, I felt weak, and I had no idea how I was ever going to come up with the strength. But I just closed my eyes, and took a blind leap. I knew I had to get out of there.”
- Bob Casey Jr
Survival Tools - Overview
When you are trapped in an abusive relationship, it can feel like every word or action you take can lead to abuse. Thankfully there are tools you can use to fortify yourself and blunt your triggers. Note - they wont stop the abuser being abusive (that is outside your control), but they will give you distance and strengthen you until you can exit.
Engaging with the abuser
When you are still in an abusive relationship, communication can feel like walking on eggshells.
Here are some tools to help you navigate interactions and minimize the harm the abuser can cause.
These tools are designed to minimise risk of abuse and to help you maintain your own emotional footing during abuse.
Engaging with yourself
It’s vital to take steps to re-establish a sense of self and confidence in your identity.
An abuser has studied you well. It is also critical to do the self work to know your own triggers, and where you are vulnerable. This helps to defang the abuser.
Here you need to be kind to yourself and prepare yourself for your recovery Stage.
Planning Your Exit - Overview
Leaving an abusive situation is a monumental step, and it requires careful planning. Here are steps to help you plan your exit.
Phase 1: Prepare Yourself and Build the Plan
Leaving an abusive relationship is critical to your ongoing health.
Ensuring that you have a plan in place will keep you safe when leaving. It will also ensure you take the most appropriate steps that minimise risk in the future.
Though not a substitute for legal advice, this page will provide you guidance, advice, and a checklist to follow to support you on your safe exit.
Phase 2: Enact and Navigate the Exit
With a plan in place, now is the time to enact it - with care.
How you communicate it — and how you manage the fallout — can have a major impact on your safety, wellbeing, and legal position.
Though not a substitute for legal advice, this page will provide you with practical guidance and tools to help you enact your exit safely and navigate the high-conflict period that often follows.
Engaging Professional Support
Working with professionals is key to navigating out of an abusive relationship.
To ensure you are appropriately supported, you will need legal, and theraputic help. Sometimes a daunting task for men when it comes engaging the 'system'.
This resource does not substitute legal or clinical support, but it does aims to give you some guidance on how to engage with these services, and any tips to support you on that journey.
“Leaving a psychologically abusive relationship will never follow the normal path of a breakup. It takes longer to heal, because it involves completely rebuilding self-worth, restoring normal adrenaline levels, and finding a new inner strength. All that takes time”
- Shannon Thomas
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Disclaimer: This website offers peer-informed education and resources. It is not a substitute for legal or clinical advice. If you are in danger or experiencing a crisis, please seek immediate professional help.
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